Today I smelled like a geezer for a couple of hours. I was so grossed out. That story started when I needed to comb my hair the last couple days. My rule is, when I need a comb, what I really need is a haircut. Not that there's much hair to cut, and I'm considering getting a buzz for the summer. Anyways, I went to the usual shop, with two barbers. A really nice lady, and a nice geezer. I prefer the lady, she's quick and does a really good job. The geezer is slow, and the job has been getting less good. There was a wait, and then I ended up with the geezer. This isn't the best haircut I've ever had, lets just say that. And he put this stuff into my hair, in spite of asking him not to, since I had a bike workout coming up soon. Well, crap, I think that stuff was white glue, or something similar. It smelled bad, geezer bad. I had to go into Co-op for a few things, and I swear, a little old lady was following me around with a hungry look. Sheesh.
Walked 20 minutes in the morning. Really good core session after work, 30 minutes. Smelling like a geezer. I continue to feel better, but I think the reason core went so well is that it did not include my faves plank, pushups, wall sits, and the held squats thing.
Then onto the bike, and I quickly realized this wasn't going to be as good as last time. It felt like I was at least one gear harder than normal, and my legs weren't happy about spinning above 100 rpm. Still, I started into the workout, cadence set and one leg drill, but started getting some odd feelings out of my legs. There was a periodic click at the top of my knee caps I didn't like at all, and it felt like there was an elastic band taped to my shin, over my knee, and to the bottom of my quads. The first main set was to be time trial gear at 90 for a while, and neither my lungs or my legs were having it. There was a heart rate goal too, but the battery in the monitor has died. Still, I'm not upset. While it isn't an improvement over the other day, that had been a big step forward, and I'm not surprised they're a bit tired today. That was just over 30 minutes, then another 15 stretching and rollering.
Part of the reason I ended early is that I couldn't stand the way I smelled. As I was beginning to sweat, the old geezer smell was getting stronger and stronger. Even all sweaty, my hair still felt like a hard hat. I had to wash my hair twice afterward.
I swear I can smell you from Colorado.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for some good rants. More than one please, if you have time. I'll have time to read. ;)
I swear I can smell you from Colorado.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for some good rants. More than one please, if you have time. I'll have time to read. ;)
I can smell you TWICE as much as others.
ReplyDeleteI think your opening line, "Today I smelled like a geezer for a couple of hours." should go down in literary history with other greats like, "My name is Ishmael" and "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times." I swear.
ReplyDeleteYeah, AQA Aleece, I love that first line from Moby-Penis: A Modern Sequel. It's nearly as good as the first line from Moby-Dick: "Call me Ishmael."
ReplyDeleteZOMG, Keef!1! That hair gel is how geezers STEAL YOUR YOUTH!1! How do you think they live so long? By stealing the vitality, the very essence, of us middle-aged foax, of course! (They'd go for young people, but they're too fast and the geezers can't catch them.)
And now, with all those bodily malfunctions you're having, it's obvious you yourself are turning into a geezer!1! The transition is subtle, since you already had that Hey-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn ranty outlook on life ... you know, the one that gives CV the double-thigh sweats.
But physically? It's downhill from here, my Kanadian Friend. The geezers got you. There's no reversing that.
I am always buying my husband hair products and now we have a cupboard full of them...I just got myself some hair dust...yeah!! you put it at the root of your hair and then back comb like crazy and then I have lots of body and big hair! Its awesome! But it smells really good...
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention I also just bought some macademia oil for my hair...seriously, I have a thing for hair products...it is a conditioner and makes you smell like Hawaii!!! I'll send you some...
ReplyDeleteShudder. I can just imagine your horror at the geezer smell. I hate the geezer smell of chicken soup/bologna/old coffee. LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteas long as you didn't have the old man stinky bum smell that tends to accompany geezer hair smell. i have an insane sense of smell, so when i come to calgary, keep your bum clean, ok???? thanks, ciao!!!
ReplyDeletehahahaha! The post made me laugh but the comments generated are even better. Stinky bum.....jezzus.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should break down and visit a place that isn't called Barber Shop. They tend to use more youthful smelling products at the SALONS...
This was a classic post/rant - well done!
ReplyDeleteOf course, it begs the question if the geezer in question knew that he smelled like a geezer, was a carrier for geezer stench, or was afraid that now he smelled like you?
Change your barber! There's a good one in the Chinook Centre - you have to go round the back.
ReplyDeleteor:
1. Buy trousers that come up to your chest.
2. Those trouser should finish at least two inches above your shoes
3. Start using Old Spice
4. Tart yourself up by considering highlights in your old geezer nasal and ear hair.