You are who you hang out with

I have a few simple rules of life. One of them is, believe what people actually do, not what they say. Watch how they treat wait staff, receptionists, and other service people, and you'll get a good idea about the content of their character. If you want an insight about someone, look at who they hang around with by choice.

People go where they fit in, where they feel comfortable, where they are accepted. Back in the days before the internet it was more difficult to find people like you, and the less conventional you were, the harder it was. I suspect people made more of an effort to fit in. Now everybody seems to let their freak flag fly, as the saying goes.

You can find an internet group for quite literally anything, which is both good and bad. Stamp collectors want to get together at a convention, and most people are all 'who cares?' You might not be interested in collecting or exchanging stamps, but it's a recognized hobby. Pre-internet one could publicly talk about it, or buy advertising, and risk nothing but boring those not interested.

You're a left-handed albino welder from Illinois, and you're looking to form a support group and exchange tips on protection against the UV rays? There might not be many in Illinois, but nation-wide, or even world wide there's got to be enough to form a club, and with the internet you can find them. Before the internet it would be tough sledding. Not that anything is wrong with being such a person, it's just really rare.

Then again, criminals and other ne'er-do-well types can get together and learn from each other. They are just as eager as the stamp collectors, perhaps even more so, to trade their illicit materials, and most seek to make money along the way. If you're the only such person you know, before the internet, you would keep a low profile.

It's one thing to hold legitimate but unpopular positions, like being the only Democrat surrounded by Republicans. Being a Libertarian, or a Communist, starts to raise eyebrows. Saying you were a Nazi was beyond the pale. You would be shunned. The world went to war to stop that repellant and disgusting ideology. Now they get together via the internet, and hold rallies, and find further support! They get support from each other and build legitimacy. It makes me queasy to see it happening.

Not that I want to roll things back to before the internet. No way. I think back to it now, and it seems like a strange time. News coming on printed paper, delivered to your home, or broadcast a few times a day by a small number of channels. Standing in a long line to get money from the bank or pay bills. Looking things up in big heavy books. Hearing music outside your home only on the radio, or making mix tapes to play on a 'portable' boom box. Phones with dials, wired into the wall and typically one per house, sometimes on a party line (look it up and prepare to be horrified). Having the store clerk making a phone call to check your credit card, and the thunk thunk of the card machine, and if I stretch a bit, I can recall credit cards themselves being rare, so people paid with cash or (horrors!) a cheque.

No thank you.

So if you're facing some life choices, doing some self examination, don't stop with yourself. The people you hang out with, in person or on the internet, are likely a reflection of yourself. Are you in an echo chamber? Could you talk about who and what you are to random people you might meet? Or does only a select group 'understand' you? Do your friends encourage you to grow and explore new things, or do they try to restrict your access to other people and outside situations? That might help you sort out what you're all about.

I admit to being glad I grew up before the internet. I blush at some of my memories, and there were a few times I was really lucky. (Mom, if you don't know, don't ask, you don't want to know!) My mistakes and fumbling around to understand life and who I was in it are mercifully buried in the mists of time.

Yes, it's easier to find out who you are and connect with your tribe. But what if you're just exploring? What if you didn't know how vile those people actually were, or who they were connected to? What about those honest mistakes made along the way? What about that photo your delusional ex-lover posts? What about all those stories that get made up about even marginally famous people? None of that goes away now. There are people paid to sift through the dregs of the internet, looking for such stuff, to be used by your enemies when appropriate. I can't imagine myself being desperate enough, or debased enough to do that, but the political parties don't seem to have any difficulty finding such people.

So, who do I hang out with, you ask? There are some photos here, if you're curious. And these guys.