Saturday, January 17, 2009

what a zoo

I used to like swimming at Canyon Meadows pool, but this morning changed that. If there are any swim lane Nazi's looking for work, apply to Canyon Meadows, they need one. Adult lane swim starts, and the pool opens at 7am. The door actually opened a couple minutes to the hour, so far so good.

They've been playing with the big lockers. Used to be only a couple needed a quarter, and all the rest were bring your own lock. Last week it was mostly quarter locks. This week, it's not possible to lock most of them at all. I wonder if someone ripped out the lock mechanism in a fit of rage. The shower room smells like they used a disinfectant that has passed it's expiry date. Gross.

There is one guy swimming in the pool when I get out there. Cue the foreboding music. He's swimming some bastardized half breast stroke in the fast lane. I get into the second and get started. More on that later. More swimmers join, and one walker, not in my lane. So far, there is one person in the next lane swimming faster than me. Another lady joins my lane, and swims almost exactly as fast as me, and another joins us later, and fits in beautifully. The three of us swoosh back and forth, at about 65 second 50 m laps, very happily. It's the only order in the pool.

In the other fast lane, more people join, and all I can say is that I'm glad they weren't screwing me up. Weird strokes, varying paces between slow and very slow, and fashion disaster swimsuits. Squabbles about sharing. One breast stroker actually has a reasonably nice stroke and if his arms and legs weren't 8 feet long, and he didn't splay them out all the way, life for those around him would be much better. In what should have been the medium lane, the walker got in the way of the fast swimmer. I cheered when the swimmer bashed the walker with her elbow, hopefully right in the kidney. In between intervals I'm looking at the mounds of swim toys along the edge of the tool. You think I'm kidding. I'm talking mounds. I've never seen so many toys.

There was a deep water running class ending and another starting, so there was herds of people wandering around like half slaughtered sheep. Standing looking like they want to join a lane. Or not. Standing in the way. One geezer was lying down on a towel near the end of the pool where people get in, and walk back and forth, and was feebly thrashing around like a turtle on it's back. If it hadn't been for the towel I'd have thought he was having a heart attack. What's with these people? Several of them came out of the locker room wrapped in a towel the size of France. One of them slowly got into the pool while taking the towel off, inch by inch. Sally Rand couldn't have done it better.

After my workout, I'm in the shower trying to hold my breath. Some Oriental men have this habit of spitting into the urinal, after making a huge production of the most disgusting noises a human body can emit. Now imagine 3 of them, in the shower, apparently holding a competition. I didn't even finish my shower. I figure I'm going to run once I get home and I'll shower then.

The number is right on 230. I should have weighed myself Friday morning; I felt thin and light. Today feels heavy and bloated. I was walking out to the car, and had yet another geezer attack. I'm at the exit door. A geezer is leaning up against it, growing roots to get the traction to push it open. I ended up going out another door. By now the parking lot is full. One person thought they'd be helpful letting me out. They stopped at the very last second, just noticing I was going to leave, and motioned me to back out. Except they were just enough forward that I couldn't back up. Neither could they, because they'd stopped so fast the person behind them nearly rear ended them. So I'm waving at them to keep moving, the guy at the back is laying on the horn, and the idiot geezer finally figure out he wasn't going to get my spot, and moved on. Me and the driver behind the geezer exchanged a shrug as we passed.

Not the best of starts to a Sat am. The next nearest pool is over in Acadia, and I've never liked swimming there. hmmmmm.

Oh yes, my actual swim, now that I'm over my indignation.
250 m warm up
50 m kick
5 x 100 m on 2:30. Mostly about 105 to 110 seconds each.
50 m kick
25 min smooth swim, not sure how far. Maybe 1200 m.
1 hour total 2K or so.

Now for my run. Even though it's going to warm up quite a bit today, I wanted to get while it was still below zero C. (yes, I can hear my American guests -"Pervert!) The thing to remember it doesn't all melt at once, melted can look really similar to not melted and partially melted is even more slippery. Plus, if it's still cold, my feet won't get wet. Anyway, ran down the path to Fish Creek and turned around at the parking lot. Made it most of the way back, nice and easy, and discovered that it's very difficult to run when there are large solids that want to do what comes naturally to most people. Fortunately, I was essentially done and not far from home. All's well that ends well, as the hobbits say. 30 minutes, with some strides trying for a quick turnover. At one point I felt like I was hardly moving as my feet churned along underneath me.


  1. Hey - thanks for the giggles :) You have a way with words :)

  2. My husband calls old people, as in WAY old people as in over the age of about 75...bedsh*tters.
    I think it is horrible but kinda funny at the same time...

  3. Keith -- you are hilarious!! I loved your description about the geezer growing roots to get traction... Priceless!! LMAO!!!!!!

    I can just imagine the chaos all around the pool -- people looking bewildered. And that guy you thought might be having a heart attack! LOL!!!!!

  4. OMG! All that on a Saturday morning! UGH!

  5. Keith - Your adventures make me laugh :)


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