Monday, July 20, 2015

The real true meaning of all the cat videos

A few days ago, here, I put in a teaser about the real reason for the explosion of cat videos on the internet.

A couple preliminary points:

  • The ancient Egyptians treated cats as gods. They have never forgotten.
  • During the middle ages cats were often blamed for bringing the plague, and were sometimes cruelly killed. They have never forgiven.
One thing is certain, they are like Cylons; they aren't what they seem to be, and they have a plan. They've been watching us for many generations, awaiting their moment. Soon.

The first step was to control the rat and mouse populations near farm buildings. The more astute farmers rewarded them. They've been playing us ever since. Now many of them do nothing more than purr in exchanged for food and vet care. Some of the more enterprising of them take on lap warming duties, if it doesn't interfere with their naps.

We only think that the US military created the internet. Bah! It's a notoriously secretive organization. The idea of them creating a mechanism to share information, and then letting other people use it is ludicrous. No, there is something more.

What else happened about then? Human birth rates in North America dropped, and people started taking better care of their pets. Used to be that the only animal around humans that would get attention from a vet was draft horses. Maybe cows or lambs with birthing problems. Now vets can do more for their cat and dog clients, on shorter notice, than human doctors can or will do. One of the staff in our vet's office a while ago was bemoaning the difficulty of getting a family doctor to replace one that treated her badly. "If anyone here treated a pet as badly as he treated me, they'd be fired on the spot!" she said. Now some people consider their cats as their "fur children", rather than breeding their own human children.

So, cats are getting better care and living longer. It wasn't so long ago that a cat that made a decade was doing well. Most of them now get well into their second decade, and I've heard of cats more than 20 years old. This just gives them more time to observe and think. They are watching us, taking notes. Influencing us.

Considering their furry features are not especially mobile, one seldom has much doubt how a cat feels. They have a way of making their wishes plain. The noise and being underfoot is the least of it. All this time they are experimenting on us, learning to insert thoughts directly into our brains. Cats have always had a place in books and films, but that was just a starter. The cats wanted more, and pushed the idea of the internet into our brains. A medium better suited to cat requirements.

One of the tools is cat videos. This is subliminal advertising at it's finest. When I was young, it was widely assumed to be nearly impossible to teach a cat to do tricks. There was much discussion if the cat wouldn't, or couldn't. There is a big difference between those two.

Now it seems like every cat in the world is a video star. How did that happen? Think about the calm, dignified, aloof demeanor, then compare it to when the camera is on. There is a reason. They only pretend they don't know the camera is on. They are distracting us, amusing us, entertaining us while they prepare the ground to take over. They are figuring out which of the staff are best to keep around.

Many people wonder if there are aliens out there. I think that question is late. They might still be out there, but they planted their spies a long time ago, and are waiting. Little furry spies, ones who are considered cute and entertaining. Spies that, as they nap, are using all that energy to send information back to the great cat mother-ship. There other cats collate, cross check, and enter it all into databases. They send ideas back for the local cats to try, to see how the humans react.

All those "UFO's?" Many of them are delusions, or Venus, or perfectly explainable  in various ways. But some of them are the cats coming down to check in person, and disseminate detailed instructions. Maybe new technology. These are just the tiny ships, with a few cats on them. Somewhere, there is the great mothership. Perhaps one of what we think is an asteroid is it. Or maybe a base on the moon, just on the edge of what our telescopes can see. Or one of the moons around Jupiter, or part of Saturn's rings. Somewhere. Waiting.

I also think it ties in with the environmentalism movement. Cats want warm dry places to live, so they pushed humans to invent modern homes. The problem is the side effects. Pollution from creating plastics and refining metals. So they've been pushing the idea that we need to be neater about our waste products. Bury it away properly, and not leave it out in the open where it can poison anyone that comes along. Sound familiar?

Once upon a time I held a full grown great horned owl on my fist. It was a wildlife protection agency raising funds. This bird was surprisingly heavy. It looked at me, and it was completely clear to both of us that it could eat any part of me it wanted, if only it hadn't just eaten and wasn't hungry. I've caught my cats looking at me like that. They are predators, you know. Is it a coincidence that humans have been getting fatter and less active? Watching cat videos on the internet, among other things. I'm sure they are waiting for a tipping point, till we are the right balance between so big and fat and unhealthy we aren't good sport or eating anymore, and still able to fend them off.

I know it's coming, and am trying to get in good with them so I become cat staff, rather than cat plaything. I, for one, will welcome our new overlords. Yes, I'm sure they will do a better job of running things. They could hardly do worse.


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