Sunday, April 27, 2014

I admit to some disappointment

There we were, bright and early at the aid station to cheer on our buddy Michelle. She had even sent us a photo of her great costume. I had made a sign to cheer on Brenda, a buddy of my blog buddy Janet in Nova Scotia.



With both me and Sophia looking, we didn't spot Michelle. We still can't figure out how. We knew what she was wearing, and we knew to within a few minutes when she would be by. I didn't get to rattle the cow bells, or shake my thermos suggestively. (It had coffee in it, and it was a cool morning, not whatever you guys were thinking!)

Neither did Brenda make herself known to us. Maybe she was busy dodging the people changing lanes without signaling and didn't notice in the excitement. Although I did get a tweet later saying hello, so I'm guessing that Brenda is a Twitter buddy of Michelle. Funny how that works sometimes.

After getting home and puttering a bit I changed and headed out for a run. I have been very something-or-other about this run. My leg is feeling funny, and no other way to describe it. Something isn't right, but it isn't a pain, it's more of a deep ache. At any random time depending on what I'm doing I could get a twinge anywhere from the top of my knee, to the top of my hip.

Plus I'm just over that short bout of sniffles, but I wasn't sure how my lungs would feel about running.   I'm feeling heavy and slow in general, but trying not to be all excuse-ey. Sophia was looking for a run buddy for 18 K today, and I knew I couldn't do that. I'd been thinking 10 or so, but even that seemed like a long way to commit, and I'd hate to bail out early.

In the end I limbered up and headed out. My leg didn't feel strong, but it chugged along regardless, a few twinges along the way. My lungs were fine. I didn't pay any attention to pace, only ran what I felt like running, and decided to call it at 5 K, 36 minutes. Long and thorough stretch afterward. It was ok, nothing special, and not particularly a confidence builder for an upcoming half marathon. At least it wasn't snowing.

While eating lunch I was thinking about my run training this year so far, and if I had a coach marking it, I'm pretty sure I'd get a failing grade. There has been no consistency at all. Even the swimming has been erratic at best. I'd like to get 3 swims a week, and I've been lucky to get 2, and usually it's one. Other than the weekend runs with buddies, the runs have sucked. They either don't happen, or are very blah. This year I had zero enthusiasm for running in the cold. Even now that it's nice out going for a run seems to be a bit of a chore, and these nagging injuries or whatever, are getting on my nerves. Maybe thinking about this was the lead up to what happened next.

I had a really strange experience, not quite asleep, but I wasn't quite awake either. Suddenly it was like I was overwhelmed with things to think about. Normally I'm pretty good about dealing with things one at a time, but this was like a flock of big birds swirling around me, each demanding I pay attention to it. A complicated data issue at work, back yard reno issues, some furniture followup issues, my running issues which brought along his bigger buddy fitness issues in general and his yet bigger buddy overall life health issues, retirement thoughts and issues, travel desires, the various hobbies I'd like to try, and several others.

My heart was going pitter-patter, I was breathing hard but felt short of breath (and there was no cat sitting on my chest), and the room was beginning to swirl around in time with the bird-issues. Or maybe it was going the other way to make it look like the speeds of all involved were increasing. Every time I tried to come to grip with one of them, another came in to peck at me and demand my attention. I was feeling very disoriented. Eventually they all flapped off when I got up to get some water. I'm still not feeling quite myself.

Linda found these dry ball thingies. No idea if they work for that, but I've read that they are really good to roll under your feet. They feel different than the usual ball. I think it will be good for a change up.


11 comments:

  1. Glad you ran, I got busy once I got home and have yet to run. A dinner thing to go to, which means running at 8:30 or later tonight. Don't think I'll be running 18k...I'd be luckly to make it to 10k.

    Hope you are feeling better. I've been overwhelmed at times recently myself, though I don't think I quite experience that.

    Since you and I will be at Calgary Marathon, let's cheer Michelle at the 50k race! I want at least one opportunity to scream/cheer her on.

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    1. I certainly had better be done my half marathon by the time Michelle finishes her 50 K! It sounds like a fun thing to do.

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  2. Sounds like you and I are going through similar stuff these days - bodies that aren't quite behaving, stress related to having too many balls in the air, disquiet at the realization that - like it or not - we're headed into late middle age. Not sure what the answer is so let me know if you figure it out, okay? I wake up every day knowing I should be grateful for this wonderful life and, yet... Sorry, this isn't very helpful, is it? Really, I just wanted to say "you're not alone" and "I get it" - sort of anyway. Hope you start to feel more yourself one day soon.

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    1. Thanks for the kind words. I'm not sure there actually is an answer. I think it's just something to work through, and be happy I'm not bored. I'm not sure how the blog comes across, but I'm not unhappy or angry or anything. More of a sense of disquiet.

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  3. Those rier balls are ACE for the feet!!! I have used on my back too :-) How on earth did you miss Michelle?? Maybe her stellar speed made it all a blur.

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    1. Her stellar speed is the best explanation I can come up with. She would have to be pretty focussed on dodging the pack to avoid noticing a huge sign, a tall guy with an outlandish 'stache wearing a very bright orange hoody, standing next to a 6' tall girl, both of whom Michelle knows.

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  4. OK - first, great analogy with the birds and thoughts (I have that happen often, and it really is like birds flitting around and pecking you with their ideas and demanding attention over and above the other birds). Sorry you had to go through that - hope it doesn't happen again for a long time (again, I get it - kind of unsettling)

    Second - I hear you on the running. No motivation at all over here - and you already know I hate winter running. I've got my fingers crossed you find your groove soon so that the last bit of training for the Calgary half goes well.

    Third - talked to Brenda yesterday - sent her the picture of you and your sign - she knew exactly where you had (yes, had) been, but you were gone when she passed by. She's sorry she missed you - she loved the sign and said (and I knew this) that she would have stopped to introduce herself (listen, we're two crazy runners who stopped to hug a complete stranger - PEI half marathon - that we had met the night before at a restaurant, her daughter was running the full and she was on the road, with cow bells, to cheer her on - we all screamed and hugged, so Brenda would have definitely stopped). Can't thank you enough for making up the sign - that was a great surprise for me and I loved it!!

    Fourth - well done, Michelle. And I don't think Brenda has a Twitter account, but you never know. I'll have to check.

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    1. Hmmm. This is the first time I've really had the thoughts thing happen in such a disorienting way. Lots of times I have lots going on, but can usually drill down and focus.
      We waited until the course sweepers showed up and they were taking down the aid station. We assumed there wouldn't be anyone else. Had we but known and all. Unless she was really fast! When I got there some of the race leaders had already been past. I got there about 8:35 or 8:40.

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  5. Glad we chatted tonight and made plans to RUNcommute. Things will get better. You are wise to listen to your body and mind. It's a busy time of year and we have never had more opportunities on our smorgasbord of things to do and try and learn. For me, when I feel overwhelmed (often lately), I focus on one thing at a time and limit them to the most important. Hey Keith and Sophia, I'm REALLY sad we missed each other and that you also missed your buddy Brenda. I bet all the other runners you cheered on appreciated it. It's good Karma! Thanks for being there. It gave me something to look forward to and speed up for knowing you were there. On June 1, remember that I may be on the course for 6.5 hours (at which point they kick me off) so if you have done a half, you would be tired, cold, hungry and chilled by then. As sweet as it is to even consider cheering me for the 50K, please consider (going home and showering?), changing into warm dry clothes, having a warm cup of coffee and seeing where you are at. The course closes at 1:30 p.m. which gives you time for lunch! :) You are wonderful friends. Thank you for all your kind thought and wishes!

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words! So thoughtful. I think I'm going to have to plan out race day very carefully. I didn't get to see you finish your FAF race, and I'd like to see you finish this one.

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    2. I may take you up on your offer on the going home part...but only so that I can go cheer you on at the latter part of the race, on Memorial Dr. The only downside there is not being able to hang out with Keith to cheer you on. I think though that we may actually have to hang around the stampede grounds bc it will hard to get around the 50k race course to get home since we live north of the river. So we might be at the finish to cheer you on!

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